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Woman, 28, Indonesia: Newly married to an American but having problems


I married a 39-year-old American man seven months ago and I love him very much. I love his family, I almost love everything about him. Right now we are far apart because we need to apply for my spouse visa. Before we got married, we had argued about many things. We argued about the wedding expenses. He asked me to not make it too “big” (I don’t like parties, I like simple things, so I told him many times to not worry so much). But we got through those hard times, until he finally came and married me. It’s been almost seven months that we have been apart. I miss him very dearly. But there’s something wrong between me and him. I notice that he always thinks he’s always right with his plans in life, He always says “I know what to do” although he told me that I could say whatever to him, that I could give him my opinions about anything, etc. But after that, he would come with his strong “opinions” and then I can’t even say a word.

There are some things I dislike, too. He bought some expensive devices, clothes, just things that I think he actually doesn’t need. I know it’s his money but I just want him to realize that he’s not alone anymore, he has me as his wife. He’s got a huge responsibility now as do I.

I’m afraid to talk it out with him because he once got angry at me, I was so scared. I gave him understanding that he married an Asian, with different culture and point of view. I begged him to understand me, it’s just not my lifestyle spending money for unimportant stuff. Well, he also told me the same thing. Is it because we come from different countries, cultures, languages, etc? Is it wrong for me as a wife to ask him to be more “economical”? I only need him to change a bit but he keeps buying things he doesn’t need, while I do my hardest to save my money here. I want to be prepared when it’s time for me to fly to the USA. I wanna continue this realationship and I wanna love him without a heartache.

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