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Woman, 35, Canada: Chinese immigrant, away from husband, develops crush on a Kiwi

I have been married for 10 years. Recently I changed jobs and met a colleague. Though we did not talk a lot, just saying hi to each other in the office, I have a crush on him. He is a nice guy from New Zealand, probably the same age as me. In winter, I feel blue because there is no sunshine. So I think maybe it is good for my blues. I started to stare at him whenever he was in my sight. As two months passed, I found I was stuck in this situation because he started to be in my dreams. We are in different projects, so we don't meet much in the office. However, every time I see him, I feel so joyful which makes me feel worthy. The worst thing is I find I cannot talk to him anymore because my voice is shaking in front of him.

After Christmas, he started to work in a customer's office. I sent him e-mail and asked how long he would stay there. When I knew it was a long time, I felt relieved but still missed him. In the next e-mail I made a mistake and asked him a private question. He did not reply to me on the first day, and on the second day asked me why I asked him that private question and also asked if I am single. I was offended by his question if I am single because it hurt me. Yes, married woman cannot like other men, which constrains me much. I replied to him that I was sorry to bother him and promised that that was the last e-mail. After I sent the e-mail, I was sleepless during the night and felt pained. Next morning, I regretted what I said to him. After that he did not send me any more messages.

I know I have to get over him. But how? My husband is not with me at the moment, which is the most important reason I could not control this feeling from the beginning. I tried, tried harder and tried my best, but failed to get out of this stupid feeling. I am still struggling every day and really need help.

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