I am an expat living in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. I am 27 years old but I still feel young inside. I used to have various dreams in my life such as being a cabin crew member who travels all the world around, or even being an actress.
I did my best to seek both opportunities. For the biggest dream to be on a cabin crew, I was always trapped as being overweight to the examiner in comparison to what they require. And for the actress wish, I did a camera test and applied to one of the biggest production companies, and I started a professional training course.
Then it ended up that I found a friend of mine who knows that I am interested in marketing careers. He found me a suitable opportunity over here in this dry part of the world, Dubai. They call it part of Europe -- open country, huge towers and lots of entertainment. I accepted a job offer as a communications executive in the hospitality industry, one of the biggest hotel chains. They're not paying me a lot, but I am coping with the excuse that I am learning in a multinational brand name which is equivalent to money in the future.
Prior to sending this email to you, I was looking at pictures of myself since I arrived to Dubai in 2010. It's almost two years now. I've noticed huge changes. My mum used to call me the non-stop girl, as I used to be on the street 24/7, jogging, chilling out with my friends or talking on my cell for hours and hours. I have been working since age 19 and now I see I am 27! I hate getting older. I see the beauty of life in being a teenager hanging around and rolling everywhere like a roller coaster.
I do not have a boyfriend. Although people say that I am sexy and have an attractive personality, I have no idea what's wrong in my life. It's getting worse and worse. I do not have the sense of going out or even to have some chat with my intimate friends back home as I used to do. I've started to love being alone and hate any disruption. I am not feeling alive. I do not have energy to do what I like. I am working 12 hours on a daily basis and when it comes to the weekend, I am already exhausted, looking for my bed and doing the usual housework.
I am completely alone. I do not know if I like my job now or not. I am so confused about finding my own happiness. I am also confused about my own future, Is this what I really want to be, a communications/public relations person, or do I need to be someone else?
It's too late for any change. I can say I fear risk as I am little bit secure with what I have now. Which is not good on a motivation level.
Weekends have become sleeping as much as I can, having a bunch of cheesecake and smoking too much.
I do not know why I am writing this story here. Maybe I couldn't speak up anymore, but writing may explain me better. I just finished my sweet cheesecake. Feeling guilty, hope not to gain weight out of it, as I am trying hard to get back to my old shape.
I have tried to get involved in dancing workout classes. It may relieve me a bit but it seems I need something stronger to lighten my days. I do not think it's a matter of not being in a relationship.
I am easily irritated and it's hard to amuse me now. All the stuff has started to be the same grayish, faded color with no taste or aroma.
I am a party girl, who loves to drink and dance the whole night long. Even this I cannot make happen anymore. I used to fight to have a night out, and now, when I have the full liberty to do so, I am not doing anything, but rather staying at home in silence and despair.
I am not able to deal with people as well. I am getting so harsh in the way I deal with my clients. I did not notice it, but some have mentioned it.
I do not want to interact with anybody, not in work, not in life. I am totally secluded in my own web.
I need your help and thoughts. You may see what I can't see from my own fragile zone.
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