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Six Seconds of Daily Kissing May Help Relationship
From VOA Learning English, this is the Health & Lifestyle report.
After 13 years of marriage, Bethany Meola admits that she and her husband can get caught up in their busy lives. They are raising three children and they both have careers.
So, they make sure to take time every day for a six-second kiss.
The six-second kiss is a daily exercise suggested by couples therapists John and Julie Gottman. It is as simple as it sounds. They say taking time each day for a six-second kiss can help connect you physically and emotionally with your partner.
“It’s kind of a funny thing to put on the to-do list,” Meola said. She first learned of the exercise while studying for a master’s degree that centered on marriage and family.
It made a difference, Meola said. “It’s long enough to kind of ground you and say, ‘Here’s this other person that I love, that I’ve committed to.’”
Why does six seconds matter?
Married in 1987, Julie and John Gottman co-founded the Gottman Institute to teach couples therapy. John Gottman also wrote The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and other books.
John Gottman told the Associated Press that six seconds is not just a number. It comes from studying more than 3,000 couples over 30 years. The Gottmans found that a six-second kiss is enough to help release oxytocin.
Oxytocin is a natural substance that is produced by the body. The substance is widely believed to help a mother connect with her newborn baby. The Gottmans say it also builds trust in a relationship by calming down the fear center of the brain. They also used research by neuro-economist Paul Zak. Zak suggests that a 20-second hug creates the same results.
“For the 20-second hug or the six-second kiss, it’s one that really feels different. It feels like you’ve come home,” John Gottman said.
Julie Gottman said a long kiss works best for couples who are committed to each other and who trust each other. Couples who are working through personal or marital issues might not be ready for it.
FILE - A couple kisses on the Seine in Paris, France, during the 2024 Summer Olympics, Friday, July 26, 2024. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell, File)
How to start
But how do you start this type of exercise? Couples have to decide to take time out of their day to put their relationship first. One partner might open the discussion by saying they believe the exercise could bring them closer and it is worth a try.
The experts suggest creating a ritual. For example, set aside the same time every day when both are about to leave for work or just before bedtime.
Creating a ritual prevents a relationship from becoming one in which the only thing a couple does together is add things "to their very long list of tasks,” John Gottman said. “We want to really nurture the romance.”
Rituals also create a shared sense of purpose, Julie Gottman said. However, she reminds people to enjoy it. Do not think of it as something you are supposed to do.
And to the couples who say they cannot find the time? She is direct and honest.
“You really don’t have six seconds?” “You know, we’re not talking six hours here. We’re talking six seconds," she said with a laugh.
And that’s the Health & Lifestyle report. I’m Anna Matteo.
Albert Stumm reported this story for The Associated Press. Anna Matteo adapted it for VOA Learning English.
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Words in This Story
couple – n. two persons married, engaged, or otherwise romantically paired
therapist – n. an individual specializing in the therapeutic medical treatment of impairment, injury, disease, or disorder
committed – adj. having made a pledge or commitment to someone (such as a romantic partner) or something (such as a cause)
ritual – n. an established form for a ceremony
task – n. a usually assigned piece of work often to be finished within a certain time
nurture – v. to further the development of
romance – n. a relationship between two people who are in love with each other